Reveal - Page 2 of 3 - Old Cat Lady

Abandoned His Pet

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Abandoned-His-PetOf course, the pièce de résistance of all the horrible things that Justin has done: abandoned an innocent animal.

Back in 2013, he went to Germany and acquired a cute little Capuchin monkey named OG Mally. When it was time for him to return to the United States, the genius pop star seemingly forgot to bring the required paperwork for OG Mally. German officials decided to confiscate the monkey and put him in a shelter, giving Justin four weeks to submit the requirements before they give him back OG Mally.

So did he get the monkey back? Well, nope. He just asked someone from his management to email the shelter and inform them that he no longer wants OG Mally back.

Justin, why won’t you behave and be a good boy? Grandma Cat Lady and the kitties will be nice to you if you clean up your act, son!

Robin Thicke

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Robin-ThickeThis wasn’t exactly from Robin Thicke’s personal Twitter account, but it’s definitely the funniest one that I’ve encountered. A girl named Lana Scolaro posted a series of photos with Robin Thicke on her Twitter. At first glance, it seemed like an innocent photo of an artist and a fan. However, if you look closely, there’s a mirror behind them and it reflected Thicke’s hand holding onto the girl’s bumbum. This would have been forgivable if they were both single, but he was still married to Paula Patton during that time.

A few months later, Paula filed for divorce and Robin tried to win her back by putting out an album called “Paula”—which flopped. Robin, that’s not how you’re supposed to woo your wife back. In your next marriage, maybe you can try being faithful.

Keith Urban Pranked By Taylor Swift

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Keith-Urban-Pranked-By-Taylor-SwiftOnce upon a time, Taylor Swift was a country singer who toured with other country stars. One of those stars was Nicole Kidman’s husband, Keith Urban.

On the last night of their tour, Taylor decided to highjack Keith’s set while in full KISS make-up along with other “members” of the band. Being a professional, Keith continued to do his set without skipping or missing his lines and riffs, and let the pranksters jump around the stage. He just let Taylor and her gang prance around like clowns until he finished his set like a boss.

And need I remind you that this was back in 2009—when Taylor was just an opening act for other singers. Now she’s welcoming people to New York even if she’s not really from New York. Weird, huh?

Adam Sandler

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Adam-SandlerAdam Sandler dresses like a broke college kid from the early 00’s. I know that he doesn’t care about fashion because he’s a comedian. It’s his job to make us laugh all the time. However, it wouldn’t hurt if he didn’t dress like a teenager, right?

Your $300 million net worth should be put to good use—like dressing your age and refraining yourself from buying statement shirts that you like to layer under plaid sweaters. You need Edgar, my cat. He’s the most fashionable out of all my kitties and he’s just dying to dress you better, Adam. Let him tell you about how adults dress up. If you’re scared of spending a lot of money on clothes, Edgar can help you find sales and deals. Just please; spare the world from seeing another man-child on their screens.

Macaulay Culkin

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Macaulay-CulkinThe skinny thorn amongst the skinny roses—Macaulay Culkin. You’re breaking granny’s heart, boy! You used to be so cute and so charming during your days as Kevin McCallister on Home Alone.

After Macaulay Culkin’s breakup with Mila Kunis in 2011, he turned to drugs. Macaulay used everything from marijuana to heroin and ketamine. Well, there doesn’t seem to be much of a change to his figure and appearance since then, but it’s still quite alarming.

Macaulay, you’re very welcome to drop by Granny’s house whenever you’re feeling down. I’ll cook all of your favorite food for you and I’ll let you play with the kitties, okay? Just stay away from drugs. There’s nothing wrong with experimenting, but when it looks like you’re one strong wind breeze away from toppling over, it means you need to stop.

Steven Tyler

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Steven-TylerWhen I saw Steven Tyler on TV recently, I thought my friend Ruth escaped from the nursing home once again. But no, Steven just looks like a really fabulous grandmother. According to his memoir, his rider included lots and lots of drugs and a full-length mirror. Not as diva-ish and bad as the rest of the people on this list, but the drugs got me going. Drugs are expensive and hard to come by if you want “lots and lots”. Who was the poor soul who had to be a runner for Aerosmith? Oh well, at least he has calmed down now. That comes with getting older.

Maybe I can ask him to come over for tea one of these days. I think we have a lot to discuss about scarves and how to raise kitties while being fabulous.

Kim Kardashian & Kris Humphries

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Kim-Kardashian-Kris-HumphriesOh, Kim Kardashian and her famous tushie. I don’t know much about her ex-husband, Kris Humphries, but their split back in 2011 surprised me. They were married for only 72 days, but their divorce proceedings lasted far too long. Kris didn’t want a divorce and wanted an annulment instead, stating that Kim only used him to earn ratings for her family’s reality show and committed fraud. Kris only signed the divorce papers in April 2013, after Kim was about to give birth to her daughter, North, with Kanye West.

Most people think that Kim’s marriage to NBA player Kris was her first. It’s actually her second one—so technically, Kanye’s her third husband. A bit confusing, I know. Ah well, who would Kim and her family be without her past failed relationships, right?

Madonna & Sean Penn

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Madonna-Sean-PennI almost forgot about these two! Madonna and Sean Penn were both big stars back in the 80’s. Of course, Madonna was THE material girl that everybody adored because of her songs. As for Sean, he was amusing as Jeff Spicoli in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High.”

Back in the eighties, I remember reading about their marriage and how abusive and violent their relationship was. They were very mismatched—Madonna wanted to be in the limelight, while Sean valued his privacy. Then in 1987, Sean tied up Madonna inside her home in Malibu and physically assaulted her for nine hours straight with a baseball bat.

Well, for two years of marriage, that ending was very scary and very unnecessary. I’m not sure if Hollywood forgave Sean for what he did, but I sure didn’t. Either way, we all know that the guy is very talented, he just needs to keep his temper in check.

Mark Zuckerberg & Priscilla Chan

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Mark-Zuckerberg-Priscilla-ChanBillionaires are getting younger now, huh? Even though they only got married in 2012, Mark Zuckerberg and Priscilla Chan have been together since 2003—pre-dating the conception of Facebook by a year.

Mark was raised Jewish, but has admitted that he turned Atheist during his adult years. Not much is known about Priscilla, aside from her being a doctor and being raised by parents who worked 18 hours a day in Boston. They’re a pretty low-key couple that doesn’t like to be flashy about their lifestyle. Heck, even their wedding was said to be pretty normal and not extravagant—something that’s not usually seen from billionaires.

That’s good, Mark and Priscilla—continue to keep your private life private so your marriage can survive. I need Zuckerberg to be in tiptop shape because my cats become hostile whenever Facebook goes down—Lord knows what they’d do if Facebook suddenly went under!

David Bowie & Inman

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Iman-&-David-BowieZiggy Stardust and a goddess! Inman and David Bowie have been together since 1992. They’re an interracial and inter-religious couple. Beautiful Iman is a Muslim and David Bowie considers himself to an “almost atheist”. I don’t know what he means by that, but whatever he’s doing, it’s working for him.

See, this a good example of a couple who prevailed despite their differences. This should be your goal, children. Before my kitties, my goal was to be with David Bowie. But I’ve made peace with that never happening.

David and Inman are still going strong after all these years and still look very much in love whenever they’re pictured together on the red carpet.